Alzheimer's stole my Mum....

We hear so much about Alzheimer's these days its almost old hat, that is unless you have a Loved one who is a sufferer. You see this silent sneaky Killer stole my Mother. In Its place it left this slowly deteriorating hugely paranoid, sometimes nasty, delusional Child, A highly intelligent child, crafty and capable of the most amazing, often outrageous often amusing stories. There is a lot of pressure on  family,to  be positive, – other  emotions – anger, resentment, even relief are to be suppressed. I felt all of these.
This New child had few social graces :) would  tell one loudly when in the middle of a shop "I need a Poo" Or "I need a wee, right now, hurry its coming"  thank Goodness i have developed a weird sense of humour and as we raced, her leaning on her walker peeing as we went, to the nearest Loo I could only laugh, which was good because other shoppers were gracious enough to Laugh too. I do not know how many times I raced off leaving my kind beloved to stand in the loo with Mum, to buy new knickers and trousers because she would not let me carry spares as she "DID NOT PEE HERSELF" lol Once upon my return she had Sean washing the offending garment in hand basin and trying to dry it under the hand dryer he could never say no to her.
 On another memorable occasion when i had her out by myself she fell in the Loo and I couldn't lift her, i had to hail a passing Young Man and ask for help. He was a tall handsome Young Samoan chap beautifully dressed in an immaculate suit who did not turn a hair when I said"will you help me lift my Mum to her feet please" He said "where is she" and when I pointed in the Public Loo He looked in the door and said "this is no place for you darling" and hoisted her gently to her feet. Angels come in many disguises. 
They came disguised as care givers in the Alzheimer's secure ward Mum lived in for almost two years. They enjoyed this spirited old Lady who had an answer for everything and who insisted she was related to the Queen  they called her your Royal Highness :) She would pinch like a naughty little girl at times when they hurt her moving her, they were so gentle but she was bent and crippled with osteoporosis and had had a badly broken hip and femur which did not heal well, She was in constant pain.and blamed them for it.  But when she was good she was Loving and showered them with sweets and hugs. 
The disease stole her appetite as her worst symptom was paranoia so she thought everything was poisoned. She also thought everyone was trying to kill her or hurt her and developed the vocabulary of a Navvy and would tell us Loudly " See that nasty B...... over there Sean he smacked me like this and this" or "that nasty B.... stares at me and talks about me" She was convinced Sean and I could fix everything and was always threatening the staff with dismissal and demanding they  ring us to take her home. When I did call she would say  "I want you here in three minutes"  fortunately she forgot fairly quickly.
 We lived two hours away but I called daily and we went down fortnightly staying near the Hospital  for three or four days, it was difficult to leave as she would cry and beg us not too. She adored my Husband and he was so gentle and loving  to her, i would not have got through it without him
. I comforted myself with the fact that she was as happy as she could be and was cared for and comfortable, when she was afraid though it broke my heart. Sometimes she could not sleep as she was scared the staff would kill her in the night.
She always knew us, though she occasionally mixed my Brother up with her brother and My sister with me but that was okay as we looked alike. But when I showed her photos toward the end she didn't know my Dad she said "who's that lovely looking Man" nor did she know herself. When i reminded her it came back and we would Laugh together.
She loved receiving cards and letters and tiny gifts and the extended family were marvellous at obliging. She spent hours sorting through her mail and little treasures. She would look up with sheer delight on her face when we visited saying " hello darling" and then proceed to embarrass the heck out of us by complaining loudly about other residents, staff and even the man who hid in the TV and what B......s they all were lol.
 She screamed too, often and loudly whenever anything hurt this was a new and frightening experience for Sean,myself  and my Sister as she had always been stoic and uncomplaining.
 I think now that Mum had for years suppressed emotions of sadness, disappointment and grief and now that she was a child again they were all pouring out.
I could tell stories for hours we had many Laughs , many tears, much frustration and I have guilt as even though i hid it well i often felt impatient and longed to leave her presence . I also felt terrible frustration trying to  make her take her pain killers and drink fluids the staff would have to call me as she would only take orders from me.

Mum and Dad's wedding.

Mum young and beautiful With Myself
 and Joy.

David, Joy and Me with Mum on my 60th Birthday.

Her Royal Highness

Christmas 2014

Mum dancing with Sean

Mum grew weaker and madder, sorry if that offends but its the truth, we would arrive and hear her loudly talking to herself she could do it for hours maddening for other residents. Music calmed her she sang a lot and had a lovely voice. She also liked leafing through Women's Magazines and was always able to read, so i began buying children's books of fables and  Nursery rhymes which she loved and would read to Sean when he came. We tried everything to slow the onslaught of the disease but we lost.  It beat us and I felt beaten.

 Last August Mum became very Ill with pneumonia and internal bleeding and when i got down to the hospital the Doctor asked me did I want the pneumonia treated, I said no as Mum had talked to me about not being kept alive. The Doctor said good because she felt it would be dreadfully unkind as if they got it under control they then had to address the bleeding which they believed was cancer. As mum was too frail for surgery and in to much pain too be poked and prodded it would have been unkind.
 We took her back to the resthome my Sister and I travelled in the ambulance with her. I stayed down in the hospital with her for the three  days she hung onto life and Joy who lived nearby came daily, Sean came down and my Brother came from wellington, Grandchildren and great grandchildren visited , even our Dog Honey stayed in her room. We called Joy back on the night of the 11th of August as Mum was preparing to leave us she had seen my Dad, he had come for her. We slept by her bed and she died with us both holding her and stroking her, she went on a wave of Love.
 We farewelled her on the 15th at a lovely celebration of her life, she wore a tiara in her coffin because "I am Royal you know" and so did the granddaughters. We had a party for her, music, Poems and prayers because she loved Jesus. I wore red and Joy wore Orange we all wore colour as she did not like black clothes. 
I miss her every single day I see her in the monarch butterflies and in the rainbows she is often near me.
 I have not been able to write about it before I felt physically and emotionally unable. Then today like a damn bursting the floodgates opened and here I am telling you the story of how Alzheimer's stole my Mum but amazingly we became closer in this classic role reversal, I felt such a bond with her.
I know she is at peace and I am glad,  I am slowly getting used to not having to organise Mum and the rest home staff lol. 
We will travel this year we could not go with Mum so ill. I know her and Dad will be with us, they loved our travels and kept all our postcards, this time they can accompany us....